Friday, May 21, 2010

I'm a Man, Therefore I'm Wrong

Women will always view their men as clueless retards. Why? Because men are clueless retards. But aside from that, men and women think differently, and as far as women are concerned, they are always right, so men must change in order to be more like them. It doesn’t matter if a man is respectful, faithful, high-earning, good-looking, athletic, stable, and a good parent; if he does not do everything exactly the way a woman would, he’s a friggin’ cretin.

Let’s say you’re a man. You and your woman are at a restaurant. The salad arrives, so you pick up one of the forks next to your plate and start eating.


“What? How can something as simple as eating a salad be wrong?” you ask, because you’re a man, which means that you are a brainless dullard. If you were a woman you’d realize that you’re eating your salad with the WRONG FORK!

You stupid retard.

If you look closely at the two forks, you’ll see that one of them is an angstrom shorter than the other. This is the fork you’re supposed to eat your salad with. You dim-witted moron. Don’t you know that the shorter tines are specially crafted for lettuce, while the longer tines are for stabbing meat and scooping up vegetables? What were you, raised by wolves?

Later, on the drive home, you have this conversation:

Woman: “So how was your dinner?”
Man:      “Okay.”
Woman: “Just okay?”
Man:      “Uh huh.”
Woman: “What was wrong with it?”
Man:      “Nothing.”
Woman: “But you said it was just okay.”
Man:      “Yes.”
Woman: “So you didn’t like it very much.”
Man:      “Did I say that?”
Woman: “You implied it.”
Man:      “I did?”
Woman: “Yes.”
Man:      “All I meant was that you cook better than the chef does.”
Woman: “Oh, so I should cook for you all the time?”
Man:      “No, I was paying you a compli-”
Woman: “You never want to take me out. You just want me to be
              your slave. All you want me for is cooking and cleaning.”
Man:      “No, there’s also sex.”

You see what happened here? You were minding your own business, feeling peaceful after taking her out to dinner, and she turned it into a fight. According to her, you didn’t like the food, you don’t want to take her out, and you view her as a slave. That’s the thanks you get. You spend time and money on her and go somewhere you don’t want to go in order to please her, only to be accused of chauvinism and chastised over a salad fork.

Oh, and as for the sex comment, that was made only in jest. It was an attempt to illustrate the absurdity of her cooking and cleaning comment by adding sex to it. The truth is that we men don’t care one bit about how clean the house is. And you know, maybe if you women spent half as much time having sex with us as you do cleaning, we wouldn’t fantasize about other women.